Monday, 15 August 2016

Reality

 I've been in a haze. Normally, when August strikes i enter a period of sadness and regret for not achieving all i wanted to in summer; but not this year. I feel fulfilled. 

 I'm not dreading starting school or college again in September, because that part of my life is over with now. I don't feel sentimental about friendships lost, or memories that are no more... I just am ready. 

 Entering a new period of life is normal, healthy and natural. I feel content that the friendships i have developed with people i adore will continue far into the future. And well, if they don't then i guess thats just the way of the world.

 I'm excited to move to London and explore one of the most vibrant cities in the world. I'm ecstatic to be joining one of the top arts universities in the world to do what i love. I'm excited to meet new people. And i'm also excited to see my best friends little boy grow up right here at home. Moving on to new things does not mean forgetting the wonders of the present, and i refuse to leave any one behind.

This blog has been a stepping stone, but its time to set you aside for a little while.

I'm planning to begin documenting my life from now in a new way on a new blog and a fresh youtube channel. I want to separate my gushing realisation posts (this one) from my adventures and discoveries. So, like, if you're interested i guess ill see you soon ???

And in the words of Kylie Jenner, 2016, the year of realising things.



Mauricia X


Saturday, 2 July 2016

Onwards and Upwards

And just like that, another year of education over. I have had the best year, the most stressful, exciting and rewarding year.

Art Foundation was my life starting again, it was me doing what I enjoy for myself. I gave up caring about the consequences because there is no career in art. I had already given up on the idea of uni, of a practical career path. I didn't want to build myself up in a boring job role, I wanted to do this for me. And I did.

I know where I'm going now, I know that there are so many fascinating creative careers and degrees that are accessible if you work hard, and you know what? F**k the people that said art will take me no where, and persuaded me to be 'sensible' and do a-level maths causing me to have a breakdown. I'd rather earn minimum wage the rest of my life than spend my days working 9-5 in a mundane job.

No offence to you, of course. It's not my path, I'm inspired by my late Auntie and Grandad, I'm inspired by the arts and crafts in my whole family. This isn't my destiny but it's just what feels right.

I am going to university this year, despite my ongoing battle with my mental health, despite not knowing what I was going to be doing with my life last year, despite being the person who stopped doing art because there were better things to do. I am going to university because i love the course and i love London.

I'm overwhelmed, excited and uncertain. You, and this blog will follow me, and, i will be refreshing my you tube channel to create real, honest content. Onwards and upwards...








Mauricia Xxx

Business Enquiries: mauriciastoneenquiries@gmail.com

Saturday, 7 May 2016

A Bad Day

I try to live a life in which my mental health doesn't define me, but sometimes with anxiety that is not the case and today is just one of those bad days. 

I love who i am, i love the beautiful people i have surrounding me and i love the earth. Sometimes though, my brain cannot deal with it; and whether that means being physically unable to leave the house, or sleeping all day, i just have to give in. That's the thing with my anxiety, it's paralysing and random, and that can be hard.

I'm learning that it's okay to have a bad day, in fact its normal to have a bad day.

I think it's important to share this part of my life, whether 1 or 100 people read this post. I don't plan to portray a perfect fulfilling life because its not the truth, and i doubt its the truth for anyone. I have days where i'm terrified of getting out of bed, not knowing whether i'll have a panic attack or breakdown. Equally i have days when i leap out of bed ready to face the day in all its glory. Wanting to be in control when you live with anxiety is just not possible.

I'd love it if i had a off switch, that said something like "mauricia, you're being silly" but often i don't know if i'm being stupid and irrational, and worst of all when i do know i still can't shut it off. Sometimes i imagine my brain and body fighting against each other, like "oh, i know you REALLY wanted to do that thing today, but actually..... nah." 

Accepting that some days you can't do things is tough, it really is. The reality is missing out on college, work, friends birthdays, more college and important events. The reality is, yoga, meditation, walks and things that used to make me feel so happy have now become things that cause a pit of anxiety in my stomach. 

I'm learning to get through every day, and it really is a case of getting through each day. I don't know how i'll cope at uni, and i don't know how i'll cope next week, but i'm not worried. I'll find a way.






(LONDON AND THE V&A)

Mauricia Xxx

Business Enquiries: mauriciastoneenquiries@gmail.com


Monday, 11 April 2016

Happenings

 Things change, time goes by, and everything has a knock on effect.

 How strange to think last year I thought I had no future; I was failing sixth form, I had no plans for September whilst everyone else was planning for university. I never envied them, but at the same time I wanted something positive to start a life of  living.

 Yet now, a year later I am doing a course that (although can be a stressful pain in the bum) is more than I ever imagined. My yearning to do something I'm passionate about is here and it is now. My mind awakened to creative career paths, endlessly fascinating friends, and the breaking of boundaries everyday. Being surrounded by inspiring people everyday truly is a blessing.

 This all got me to thinking, why am I here? How did I go from failing Biology, Preclinical and Maths at Sixth Form in my whim of wanting to be a Midwife to applying to Univeristy of the Arts London, less than 2 years later? And it turns out it is a strange lot of happenings.

 Blogging was a step towards doing something I enjoy with my life, and after mostly failing my first year at sixth form, I decided to try and do AS Photography in a bid to boost the quality of my blog. However, I was only to be told the course was full. So, if it wasn't for the happenings of my tutor who snuck my name on the list, and got me a place, well, UAL would be nothing but a fantasy world for me now; instead of my actual future.

 And if it wasn't for my photography teacher who pushed me to drag a massive A1 portfolio to my interview I may not be here either. But... this isn't some kind of thank you speech. This is recognition. Sometimes, the things that seem like the end of the world are just a change of direction. Trust, love, respect your choices. Because I really do believe everything happens for a reason.




Tate Modern - Avis Newman

Tate Modern - Rebecca Horn



Jeff Lowe - Pangolin Gallery

(images from a recent trip to london)


Mauricia Xxx

Business Enquiries: mauriciastoneenquiries@gmail.com

Monday, 15 February 2016

Living

 I am making the decision to better myself and start living.

 In a world where we are surrounded by social media, news reports, celebrities and self obsession, it becomes hard to determine what is real. Social media? It's not real. It distorts our view of reality and justifies our perceptions of people we hardly know. Communication, that is real. Technology has given us an amazing power to speak to and connect with people just like us from all around the globe. But you create who you want to be on a social media profile. A photo of yourself with likes is a temporary pleasure; it does not measure your love or kindness, it does not show your beauty in its truest form. It is simply a tool of immediate gratification and acceptance from your peers. That will never define me.

 I am defined by my honesty, my art, my love of species and mixing old and new. I am defined by my ethics, my obsessions, my love of minimalism and eccentricity.

 There are many of us in this world, and we all feel misunderstood. It's not irregular; we lead our own lives with thoughts and feelings that are individual. We sympathise and empathise, we take time to listen and understand but truly how can we. Our minds are so different, whirling around in our own little bubble. Don't be sad that you are misunderstood and alone in this world, we are all alone and waiting for something. Find calm in the eyes of a species besides your own, find warmth in the skin of a friend or a loved one, find peace in the grass and the mud between your toes. It is then that you realise you are defined by your experience and all you have learnt. You start living between the cracks of the lies you have been told, and you find your own truth.

 In a life of closed minds and lack of awareness you will think i am crazy, but my mind is just opening. Nothing saddens me more than not being able to see beyond yourself. We share this world with the flowers and the trees, the ocean and many species; as an "advanced" species surely we should protect cherish and preserve this as much as we can. Our brains have grown and closed along the way. We destroy without care, and there is nothing advanced about that.

 I am 18, I am not enlightened, I'm only a little bit special. I have been sad, I have been full and empty, I have learnt and I have loved. I have fallen into the digital world, and blurred my realities. But now I like to think I am finally living. I am feeling and I am being. Things will never be perfect, but they just are. I will love and understand, I will try and I will succeed. I will walk this earth harming as little as I can along the way. And that's a start.


from pinterest

from pinterest


Mauricia

Xxx

 Business Enquiries: mauriciastoneenquiries@gmail.com

Where to find me:
Youtube

Monday, 4 January 2016

A Year Without A Bra

 When you come home after a longgggg day of work/college/school and can FINALLY take off that bra - up there with one of the best feelings ever, am i right?! Well what about having that level of comfort all day everyday... unbelievable.

 This time last year i stumbled across this article, at first i genuinely thought she was crazy (possibly just super attention seeking) - oh how my mind has grown! The idea of not wearing a BRA to me was unfathomable. People being able to see nipples?! My breasts not being enhanced by the wonders of a push up, jack wills, underwired delight?! The endless worry of flashing a nipple?! How would i ever be able to wear a sheer shirt?!

 It suddenly hit me. All of these worries are hardwired social norms that go hand in hand with trying to create the perfect female body. My avid following of #freethenipple campaigns would be hypocritical if i didn't take this massive plunge into the world without a bra! It may seem trivial, but to a slightly-more-insecure version of myself, this was a big step.

 At first i was going to do a day - if i survived (i was very overdramatic) then maybe possibly i would do a week with free boobies. And guess what? I did survive, and now i am here to tell the tale of a world of comfort and free movement.

 It wasn't a big deal. Barely anyone noticed. I felt free.

 Since then summer has been and gone, I have lived life on the edge of a possible nip-slip, I have worn loose camis, tight halters, always crop tops, dresses. And its just not a big deal. I have had the odd stare, I have had people point out that my nipples are slightly visible, but alongside that i have had shock at how perky my breasts have truly become. So for that i give myself a pat on the back.

 I urge my smaller-boobed and also larger-boobed friends to just give it a go. Don't say that you prefer a bra, because that is what society tells you is right from pre-teen years (weird). I know that Victoria's Secret bras are a gift from the world of lingerie. But just try a week in the world of the free breast.

 I mean, you do know that bras are actually harming your boobs, right? But, no one ever tells you that.

 If you won't take my word for it then take this one, or this one and this is pretty much everything you want to know.

 And if you need anymore reason, these selfies of me being happy (without a bra) must be genuine proof.

credit: @charlotte.cuthbert//insta





If you read this, thank you, i like you alot.

Mauricia 

Xxx

 Business Enquiries: mauriciastoneenquiries@gmail.com

Where to find me:
Youtube